What's the Best Way to Ask Someone to Donate a Kidney? Third party recruiters can be your best voice. It is far easier for some who cares deeply for you to discuss this delicate subject than you can yourself. Approach caring individuals who have emotional savvy and intelligence and invite them to join your team. Be sure to enlighten these recruiters with your story and educate them about the living donation process. That way, they can share accurate and compelling information about living donation, your particular situation and your need for a kidney. Create a written intention statement. Using law of attraction principles, describe your ideal donor offer. That’s right. I’m asking you to take a leap into the unknown, as if you already know what will happen. To do this you must stay focused on your ideal outcome, and "act as if" it's already happened. Develop Talking Points: As it becomes known that you or your loved one needs a kidney transplant, more opportunities to share your story will present themselves. While sharing your story, you may also get several chances to engage listeners in a conversation. One way is to ask them about their philosophy on organ donation in general. Also ask how they’d feel about donating while they’re still living rather than waiting until they’ve passed. If they seem open to the concept of a living donation and you sense it would be appropriate to delve deeper, continue by asking if they’d consider being tested to see if they might be a match. It is extremely important to let them know their responses will be kept confidential and that, no matter how they respond, what they say will not affect your relationship. Remember, it may be easier for your health advocate buddy or team members to ask indirectly so potential donors will feel less pressured or less feel guilted into saying yes. Similarly, hearing a strong negative response could be overwhelming to the person in need, if heard directly. That’s why we advocate having a buddy as a liaison to facilitate this process. When you have recruiter-friends and recruiter-teams communicating for you, they can use their emotional intelligence to soften the delivery of a disappointing response. Scripting Your Story Here’s a sample script to help you kick-start the story which your recruiting team will convey to others. Be sure to customize the verbiage to fit your situation. My friend Risa inherited a genetic kidney disease, known as Polycystic Kidney Disease (PKD) which is rapidly squelching her remaining kidney function. Since PKD has no treatment or cure, Risa only has two options: (1) get a kidney transplant, or (2) spend the rest of her life on dialysis. While transplant is the superior quality-of-life choice, it can be the most challenging with nearly 86,000 people waiting ahead of Risa on the national kidney transplant list. Sadly, the average wait on this list can be five years - or more. And while I thought I was already doing my part by declaring my intentions to be an organ donor (on the back of my driver’s license), I now see our nation's organ shortage cannot rely on deceased donation alone. Through living donation, a healthy (living) person can donate one of their kidney's, and still live a wonderful healthy life. Kidneys transplanted from living donors also offer a number of superior benefits to the recipient, from greater success rates to nearly double the years of function!
Most potential recipients can't imagine asking someone to consider donation. It is not uncommon to also feel that if someone really wanted to donate, they would have come forward on their own. Yet, the truth is that no one can offer to help you if they don't understand your situation, or the unparalleled benefits of living donation.
First and foremost, your friends and family need to be made aware of your declining renal function. They also need to be educated to understand the best treatment options. Most people need time to understand your situation and what's involved in the living donation process. For that reason, it is generally best not to ask if someone will donate straight out at first.
Allow your family and friends enough time to process their own reactions. So instead of fretting over how you should ask someone, simply focus on sharing your story (or the story involving the person in need) to increase awareness of the living donation opportunity. Your story might spark enough interest and intrigue on its own, without ever having to ask someone directly.
When you find your conversations need some help to get to the next level, refer to the Talking Points that follow Step 5. Also refer to the Sample Script as a guide to help you write your own script.
What's the Best Way to Get Started?
Elmer Letterman once said, "Luck is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity." That being said, before you get started, commit to learning as much as you can about preemptive kidney transplants and living kidney donation, so you'll be well informed before engaging others.
By organizing your thoughts and preparing sample "scripts" and "reaction scenarios," you'll be able to rehearse sensitive situations and keep your emotions in check. Just as actors have to rehearse their lines, you're wise to become intimately familiar with what to say and how to say it. Rehearsing also allows you to respond to potential donors appropriately, and keeps uninvited emotions at bay.
Follow the five steps listed below to help you stay organized and on task. These steps were designed to expand your circle of influence as you begin your living donor search. Our aim is pure and simple. We want to inspire donor recruitment through a more user-friendly process. Now, it is up to you. Follow these action steps and start living a more meaningful life today.
Step 1: Enlist A Health-Advocate Buddy
Let’s face it. Most people are uncomfortable asking others to consider something that could put them in harm’s way. So recruit a health advocate friend (or a team of them) to partner with you so you don’t have to go it alone.
Step 2: Create a List of Potential Donors
While you’re forming your team of recruiters, also create a list of everyone you know who may be a possible donor. Include family members, friends, work associates, colleagues, and individuals you know through professional organizations and through your church or synagogue. Don’t prejudge them on how compassionate or healthy you think they are; just make a list. You can go back and assess the list after you’ve compiled all the names.
Step 3: Refine Your List
As you assess your list, highlight the names of those you sense are brave and healthy. Perhaps you’ve seen them show acts of kindness in the past. Consider those involved in professions such as law enforcement, the military, or fire fighting. These brave heroes might be naturally inclined to consider donating a kidney.
Step 4: Develop an Approach Strategy
Assign your recruiter(s) to contact specific people on your list. Once you’ve determined who will ask whom, discuss the best approach on a case-by-case basis. Each potential donor may have a particular preference for how to communicate, especially about something this sensitive. Combine your intelligence with your intuition to determine the best approach.
Step 5: Send a Group Email Announcement
Consider sending a heartfelt email to all the names on your list regarding the individual in need. This is where you share your personal story and engage others by asking them to help you spread the word. A group email will not only enlighten others about the need for a living donor, it will also expand your circle of influence. You may be surprised by the response, as emails of this nature have prompted potential donors to come forward to learn more.
Step 6: Create a Written Intention Statement
Start by transforming your hopes and dreams into written affirmations. Write with confidence and express your gratitude throughout your journey. For those who've never visualized before, your first step might be to simply dream-up how you’d like to see your donor offer(s) unfold. Simply imagine your ideal donor revealing themselves to you. State all the positives you can imagine. Keep your focus of attention on what you ultimately desire. Stay focused on your blessings, rather than your illness - or what you don’t have. (There’s a HUGE difference!)
Now try to articulate what you envision into the written word, as if it was fact rather than a wish. This is a very powerful exercise. Feel free to tweak your statement as many times as you'd like until you feel you've communicated the ideal outcome.
Still skeptical? Talk to our founder and leading light "patient advocate coach" to see how this process transformed her life within 10 days of this exercise, by requesting more information on our 'CONTACT US' page.
Your Ultimate Goal
The ultimate goal is to build interest by eliciting curiosity and increasing awareness. How can you do this? By encouraging your listeners to ask questions, lots of them. In doing so, they might introspectively gravitate toward considering a living donation themselves. When this occurs, capitalize on the opportunity to ask them if they would talk to the recipient's donor transplant coordinator to learn more. If they already know their blood type, that’s great - but even if they don’t, a simple blood test can be done to find out.
Remember that blood type matching is not necessary in paired donation, so don’t quickly disqualify potential donors because their blood types aren’t the same as the person’s in need. Instead, explain that they can be paired with another donor who’s a better match through a paired donation program.
We suggest creating a storyboard or script with compelling points regarding your story (or your friend's, family member's or loved one's situation). Naturally you’d use your own style of speaking when “delivering” the script.
Living donors also help those in need get a healthy kidney (when they need one most); which prevents them from getting sicker (or risking death) while waiting for a deceased donor from the national transplant waiting list.
Truth be known, I was hoping I could be her donor, but they say I'm not her bloodtype - or even healthy enough if I was. Since I can't donate, I'm determined to expand Risa's circle of influence by increasing awareness. Would you be interested in helping me share her story so we could expose the heroic opportunity in living kidney donation?
Living Donation Saves Lives!